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The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Growing Season

Hybrid Mode 01

Hybrid Mode 01

     I know that for a lot of us chileheads, 2014 will be a season to forget. Probably with the help of lots of hhwhiskey. Too bad. My garden seemed to have a golden sunbeam shining on it (complete with angelic choir) from start to finish. Just enough rain, not too hot, no cold snaps, sunny, no devastating storms, no fires, earthquakes etc… 
     And the pods just won't stop coming. The latest plant to cause me to just stop and shake my head at its sheer quantity of pods is my two year old Carolina Reaper. I love them to death, but I already have a half gallon of dried pods (with more drying as we speak) and at least as many in the freezer. There's no way I'm going to use that many. I've given pods to friends, family, the mailman, the plumber, two pizza dudes and some guy walking down the street who said "Nice garden!". Gold diggers, all. Now it's time to give some to (one of) you fine folks. 
     I want to hear from all of you whose garden got flooded out, frozen, eaten by locusts, burned (not you, Dale), bombed, or just shat on by Mother Nature and refused to produce. Post a sob story detailing your disaster season. Humor counts. Facts, not so much. I will chose a winner on Friday evening to receive a SFRB of picture perfect, ruby red Carolina Reapers.
     (But seriously, I want these pods to go to someone who legitimately had an awful season and struggled to ripen a jalapeño.) Contiguous US, only. 
     
 
Yea... super cool of ya...
 
Can't say my year was terrible... just coulda been sooo much better if Spring had come earlier and if the cool weather would stay away a bit longer...  lot of green pods still on my plants :)
 
Dash, Dash, Dash,

As a newby my gardening skills are quite lacking. Nate is just a few clicks away from me and laughs that his plants have been putting out buckets full of ripe heat. I had to chuck three plants because aphids ate them to the point of no return. My spritsing hem with soapy water just made the leaves drop. My nutes were way to much and resulted in flowers, but no pods. I got loads of thais and serranos, but have yet to harvast a super. My ghost plant is mammoth, but the green pods are taking forever to ripen. As for my others I have a lone fatalli pod, a lone chocolate scorpion pod, and several other super plants that have not even shown a flower. My friends tell me that I should have grown weed. Not my thing, but I may have had better luck. As you know I live in an appartment and my space is limited. I started out with 28 or so plants and am down to thirteen. I can fit all of my harvest so far into a large drinking glass. I HAVE BEEN AT THIS SENSE MARCH. No, I did not experiance a fire, flood, earth quake or even diaria, but my grow has not been steller.

Help if you can.
 
Here's a list of all the things that went wrong
 
1. First thing is the water in my faucet turned red... after smelling it i think it's blood
2. Next a bunch of frogs came and would not stop croaking and i couldn't get a lick of sleep
3. My daughter brought home lice from school
4. all that bloody water must have attracted them... tons of flies
5. my livestock all got sick, probably from the flies
6. My water heater went crazy all the water boils
7. In july we had some crazy thunderstorms with volleyball size hail
8. locusts came in flocks and started munching on the plants i had left
9. The power went out for 3 days
10. my firstborn died... lol
 
(i don't need shit)
 
Another example of what makes this place a great forum.  My season was good like yours, so I have enough peppers, but it is very nice of you to share with those that did not.
 
Mine was pretty bad.  I didn't get a good hot snap until Labor Day here and the following week is when my plants started taking off and podding.  Most of the season was cool and damp.  First frost is rumored to be this weekend, fortunately I have a small greenhouse for some plants I'm thinking about overwintering.  Bugs weren't really a big problem this year like they have been in the past, which is good.  Mostly just no real growth on the plants...many of them just sat idle all summer.  Fortunately I have the ability to grow a small amount of plants year round and will try to do so....hopefully without another aphidpocalypse like last winter.
 
Oh yea, forget that sob story I told earlier that was just a hallucination caused by a slightly ripe eggsalad samwitch from the local gas station.

Let's see here, it was back some time in mid February that I got me a hankerin for some jalapeno corn bread. Not beein one to keep a full fridge I loadd up ole bessy and meandered over to the squidly didly. Would you believe that all they had as far as hot peppers were six bell peppers and a jar of pepperchini? Pissed and hungry I hooked two chicky pot pies and made way for home. Ma was glad to nuke my dinner so I headed to the shed to see if I could grow me some peppers. I did have some old seeds, but they were for rutabegas and horse raddish. Shit I thought to myself as I kicked myself for not getting the computer id seen at that yard sale. Remembering that the county library had puters I hopped on my sons schwinn stingray and peddled down the block to the library. Site after site after site had adds for pepper seeds, but no one had anything hoter than habeneros. It wasn't untill I typed in chili head did I have any success. I ordered away and waited next that mail box like a cheerleader waits for the quarterback. My first batch I planted straight in the ground. Dog peed on um and killed um. My second batch I put in one of the cardboard cup thingys and wattered it into a big puddle of yuk. My third batch I made a glow/ grow box for:

1012921_10201680808250564_1817309906_n_zpsad8b281a.jpg



And baked them in my EASY BAKE OVEN!!

The forth batch I recieved from e-bay turned out to only produce these:

red_hot_chili_pepper_66inches_tall_18inches_wide_bigplush_com_4___09437139752576012801280_zps39ed06d1.jpg


Nice, yes, but ma said I couldn't keep her.

The next batch gave me hives, oily discharge, and athletes foot.

Currently I'm sending you this post from the janitors closet at the YMCA.

Help if you can.

(Sung)Deep dark depression, excessive missory. If it wornt for bad luck id have no luck at all, gloom dispare and agony on meeeeee.
 
Rymerpt said:
a hallucination caused by a slightly ripe eggsalad samwitch from the local gas station.

loadd up ole bessy and meandered over to the squidly didly.
 
I hopped on my sons schwinn stingray and peddled down the block to the library.
 
waited next that mail box like a cheerleader waits for the quarterback.
red_hot_chili_pepper_66inches_tall_18inches_wide_bigplush_com_4___09437139752576012801280_zps39ed06d1.jpg


hives, oily discharge, and athletes foot.

Currently I'm sending you this post from the janitors closet at the YMCA.

gloom dispare and agony on meeeeee.
Click to expand...
 
     Folks, step up your games! This ^ is exactly the kind of childish drivel and disjointed, psychotic rambling that's going to win this contest. Ryme has set a high bar.
     The judges are afraid this is going to be a one act show. I know there's more weirdness lurking in all the gnarly bumps and wrinkles of THP. Enter as many times as you want. I'll bring a good poop shovel in here tomorrow.
 
 
     Oh, and Juanito. I hear capsaicin is an effective treatment for lice. Not for the volleyball sized hail, though. You're gonna need like a witchdoctor or something for that.
 
edit: Pookie, I broke your like button again.
 
Wolf1888 said:
That's nice of you to do such a thing! I didn't even have a garden this year, but I can't wait to start growing next season! 
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     Don't let rules and regulations get in the way of winning a SFRB of Reapers! Just start writing and see if the mailman brings you some pain for your efforts!
 
 
 
 
edit: Crap. I just saw your location.  :mope:  I don't think I want to trust customs with my pods. That's a bugger. (You can still write, if the spirit moves you though!)
 
Rymerpt said:
Up up up. This belongs at the top where people can find it.
Click to expand...
 
     I dunno, man. I've done just about all I can to promote this contest, short of hiring Don King. I guess folks just don't like free peppers.
     I would've jumped on an offer for free snap beans two years ago (Japanese beetles), or free squash the last two years (squash vine borers, squash bugs, powdery mildew and drought). Those crops were unmitigated train wrecks. 
 
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